Friday, January 29, 2010

Technology - iPad

Our nation has drawn together this week, united by a common goal, evaluating the new Apple iPad.
We love touch screens. Our parents both have iPhones, and we find the screens very responsive to our rough paws and our claws have only made minor scratches in the glass. We were excited about blogging on a device that seemed perfect for us, a giant iPhone.

We expected to lust over the iPad immediately, but how can you lust over a device that immediately reminds one of feminine hygiene products??? A refined bitch should never even need to use that word - we've been spayed. The stud in charge of naming the device ought to be put in a cone of shame. (We know that a bitch would never make such an egregious error.)

Maggie in a cone of shame.

While we have never used the device, we are full of opinions anyways -- this is a trait we have learned from humans. Most notably, we find Dr. Laura Schlessinger especially amazing -- she always knows how to do the 'right thing' with the scantest of context!

Reasons We Would Like an iPad:
- Cool factor. The dogs at the dog park would be impressed.
- Fun to use.
- Easier for our unwieldy paws to use than the iPhone.

Reasons We Will Not Buy an iPad:
- Stupidest. Name. Ever.
- We are not interested in another subscription. Audible, Netflix, gas, power, cell phones, mortgage. NO MORE MONTHLY BILLS.
- Doesn't really fit into our computer/media usage. It wouldn't replace any of our current devices. (Including: Desktop, notebook, Kindle, iPhone.)
- We already have pads on our paws, and they are much more functional than Apple's pads. You can't run after dad's mountain bike on four iPads!
- Has many of the limitations of the iPhone: No flash (read: No Hulu), No applications running in the background (read: No Pandora), smudgy screen (read: Nose juices everywhere).

The Apple website describes the iPad as, "Our most advanced technology in a magical and revolutionary device at an unbelievable price." We want to be convinced, but for now the only magic we believe in is at Hogwarts.


Kris said...

Oh puppies, you just make me smile and sometimes giggle out loud!

Anonymous said...


If Steve Jobs did the State of the Union like a new tech release.


Best graf:

So today, we're introducing a new plan. It's called Stimulus 2GS, and it's sleeker than any economic recovery package ever created. It's got bridges, it's got schools, it's got broadband Internet. All that, and it's super easy to use—you can control it from iTunes. Pretty cool, huh?