Today we'd like to devote our post to Micheal Phelps, that slab of meat that has captured America's hearts. (No literally, he's a giant slab of meat. Gross. We like our men very hairy, and preferably with a tail, although Maggie is quite partial to swimmers, so that's a vote in his favor.)
Micheal Phelps, swimmer extraordinaire, winner of enough gold medals that he could hand one out to every disfigured child in China whose voice is stolen for the Olympics. (Kinda like that scene in The Little Mermaid... It won't cost much, JUST YOUR VOICE!) It is pretty awesome to watch him decimate world records and shame foreign nationals. But come on girls, he isn't that hot. And I bet all he ever wants to do on dates is go swimming or polish his medals. Notice that he brought his mom to Beijing and not some hot model? Yeah, there's a reason for that.
Quick vote: Micheal Phelps: Swimmer. iPod-Listener. Gold-Medal-Winner. Champion of Women's Hearts. Dog Disappointer. Also, donate now to find the cure for Chinese ugliness rampant in small singing children.