Vancouver 2010

We think of ourselves as very well-rounded and accepting bitches. We sniff the butts of dogs from all walks of life (literally), all races, colors, breeds, and nationalities. But once every two years we pull out our American flag collars and take the supercilious persona adopted by all Americans. It's Olympic time!

August 2008 we were head-over-paws for the summer Olympics in Beijing. (Read our scathing post on Michael Phelps!) We watched as the Chinese showed the world that children should be seen or heard, but never simultaneously. We saw Phelps swim nearly as well as Maggie in a duck pond. And we saw the Chinese shame our patriotic tails over and over again.

So naturally, we were excited for the Olympic opportunity to come around again. We watched with bated breath for the opening ceremonies. Who could forget the Beijing opening ceremonies? The boxes are people, THE BOXES ARE PEOPLE! The 2010 opening ceremonies were about as exciting as catnip, which is to say they were disappointing and targeted towards idiots. The following picture is misleading in that it appears to convey an exciting event.

Luckily, the USA is winning in the medal count so far with some very exciting events behind us. Surprisingly, Bode Miller didn't totally choke and actually medaled this time, we well remember his debacles of years past. Apolo Ohno (Salt Lake resident, boo yeah!) made a repeat performance, silver medaling in the 1500m speed skating. Basically, America has been kicking the trash of communists, former Nazis, socialists, and losers from all over the world. We love the Olympics!

We are upset that there are no dog competitions, but we have a few ideas for submission to the Olympic committee.

For the Winter Olympics:

• An Iditarod-esque dog sledding race
• Ice fetch (fetching on ice, pretty much exactly what it sounds like)
• Snow Eating

For the Summer Olympics:

• Swimming
• Digging
• Tug-of-War aka 'Pulley' (Our Aunt Annie would win this one for sure!)
• Butt-liking (Not really a seasonal sport.)

What do you think? Any dog sports out there you think deserve to be competed against any chien, perro, koira, Hund, or gau?

Olympics: Phelpsie

Today we'd like to devote our post to Micheal Phelps, that slab of meat that has captured America's hearts. (No literally, he's a giant slab of meat. Gross. We like our men very hairy, and preferably with a tail, although Maggie is quite partial to swimmers, so that's a vote in his favor.)

Micheal Phelps, swimmer extraordinaire, winner of enough gold medals that he could hand one out to every disfigured child in China whose voice is stolen for the Olympics. (Kinda like that scene in The Little Mermaid... It won't cost much, JUST YOUR VOICE!) It is pretty awesome to watch him decimate world records and shame foreign nationals. But come on girls, he isn't that hot. And I bet all he ever wants to do on dates is go swimming or polish his medals. Notice that he brought his mom to Beijing and not some hot model? Yeah, there's a reason for that.


Quick vote: Micheal Phelps: Swimmer. iPod-Listener. Gold-Medal-Winner. Champion of Women's Hearts. Dog Disappointer. Also, donate now to find the cure for Chinese ugliness rampant in small singing children.

Olympics: Gymnastics

Our favorite part of the summer Olympics has to be the gymnastics. Especially women's gymnastics. Last night, we stayed up way past our bedtime (till 11:30!) watching the head-to-head competition between the Chinese and American women's gymnastic teams. Don't worry, the Americans choked and got the silver medal.

The women's gymnastics has four parts of competition:
The Balance Beam (Where the girls flip about upon a 4" wide, 5 meter long beam that is about 4.5 ft from the ground.)

The Vault (Here, the girls run and jump and flip about until they hit a table-like apparatus doing more flipping about and then land upright. This is actually a very confusing one to explain.)

The Floor (A standard floor where the girls do flips and back handsprings and step out of bounds and "dance" about like fools. This is the only part of the competition wherein they use music.)

The Uneven Bars (Two bars, one at 8 feet and one at 4.5 feet; the women hang and swing from these bars.)

After describing these events, they seem quite bizarre, but they are quite fun to watch. The men's events include: The Parallel Bars, the Rings, the Pommel Horse, the High Bar, the Floor, and the Vault.


Quick vote: Even though the US failed last night, the gymnastic teams are always a blast to watch. Tune in for more!!!

Olympics: Synchronized Diving

We had seen platform diving events before, but this week is the first time we've ever seen synchronized platform diving, an incredible sight to see. The concept is quite simple: two people (in today's case women) jump off the platform and do an identical string of flips/twists/tucks on the fall to the pool where they enter with merely the slightest of splashes.

Sometimes, the girls would do a hopping/dancing routine on the way to the end of the platform to get themselves in perfect synchronization, other times the would merely bounce on the balls of the feet three times before launching backwards into the unknown. We liked the jumps, like the one pictured, where the girls act like mirrors of each other, spinning in opposite, yet synchronized, directions. The Asian girls did their hair the same as each other, perfecting the identical ideal.


Quick vote: These competitions were awesome. If you have a chance to catch up on them use it! Also, the men should be competing as well.

Olympics: Basketball

This week, in honor of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, we will be reviewing Olympic events with Olympian speed, prowess, and skill. We too want to capitalize on what our father refers to as 'the worldwide marketing ploy that is the Olympics!"

Yesterday, as we were sitting around talking about how fun it was to play with Aunt Annie (Especially when a large bolt of thunder frightened her out of her mind!), we flipped on the tv to watch the much anticipated Olympic basketball match between the USA team and the Chinese team. Weimaraner's are German breeds, so we were 1.5/2 voting for Germany and .5/2 voting for Laborador, a region of Canada. Neither of these were competing, so we rooted for America, where we happen to be staying.

The game was awesome, it began with the two teams neck-and-bó zi (neck in Chinese), but eventually the Americans won 108-63. Olympic rules appear to be very similar to the NBA rules, but it's good to see some national rivalry and patriotism come into play. The tournament begins in a couple of days and you can head over to the NBC Olympics webpage to check out your local schedule so you know when to turn on your Tivo, or your TV for your dogs to watch.


Quick vote: The Olympics rule! We love it! We will now go howl the Olympic theme while trotting about officially. Farewell!

Aunt Kenya's Philosophy: Hopefully, leaders of the countries participating in the Olympics will take this opportunity to discuss the atrocities happening to canines in troubled areas such as North Ossetia, and Darfur.