Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Politics - Scott Brown

Unless, like a cat, you are not capable of processing current events, we're sure you've heard about the heated elections in Massachusetts. Of the candidates vying for the Senate seat vacated by the late Ted Kennedy, Scott Brown beat the Democratic candidate and surprised the nation by being the first Republican elected to the US Senate from Massachusetts since 1972. This is even before our father was born, if you can believe it!

This is Scott Brown.

We believe that Senator Brown's election marks a turning point. A point in the country's history where we will no longer judge a man for posing nude in Cosmo. (Warning, shocking link.) We don't understand humans and their obsession with covering up body parts that they have all seen anyways. It's very egotistical of them to assume that everyone is constantly wondering what they have under all those layers, though come to think of it, your crotch does smell extra interesting today...

Before Scott Brown can begin to disappoint his electorate with his new position however, we would like to take a moment to admire his visage, his long nose, and his uncanny resemblance to the Scottish Terrier.

Look at those strong forelegs!

The AKC says of the Scottish Terrier, "Naturally a 'digger' at heart, the Scottie was originally bred to hunt and kill vermin on farms." This is obviously true of Scott as well. Please consider, for a moment, this picture of his Democratic opponent, Martha Coakley.

She doesn't look all that smart to us.

They could be sisters!

Yup - digging out vermin is a perfect description. The similarities don't stop there. "The Scottish Terrier should have a thick body and heavy bone." Well, Senator Brown did not get to be Cosmopolitan's Sexiest Man by having a thin scrawny body, that's for sure. "He should exude ruggedness and power, living up to his nickname, the 'Diehard.'" Enough said. If you disagree, we recommend looking at his picture again. Being highly discerning bitches when it comes to aesthetics, we appreciate Senator Brown's natural thickness.

The Scottie Dog is known for its "heads up tails up" attitude, and so is Senator Brown. Though there were several setbacks during his campaign, including a series of attack ads claiming he wanted to deny care to rape victims, he rose above it all and continues to make unpopular choices by pledging to filibuster the new healthcare reform bill in the Senate. Filibuster on Senator Brown - we hope your filibuster becomes as famous as Strom Thurmond's signature move! It only needs to be 24 hours and 19 minutes in length, nonstop.

Senator Scott Brown with his thick bone structure, sex-appeal, and conservative politics beat out Martha Coakley for Massachusetts' Senate seat. This is not unlike the way the Scottish Terrier has killed and devoured rats and other rodents for centuries. Good call, America. We love democracy!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Politics is dog eat dog AND dog eat rodent. Who knew?