Monday, February 22, 2010

Current Events - Toyota Recall

We were horrified to hear the highly accurate, proportionate, and unbiased news coverage surrounding the recent discovery that almost every vehicle produced by Toyota is a death trap. The Japanese (boo hiss!) have been trying to destroy America for years (see also this very recent image of an Anti American rally in Japan).

Being highly logical animals, we understand that when something seems too good to be true, it typically is. And our Toyota-made traveling kennel is far too comfortable to be anything other than a carefully designed and planted Japanese time bomb. Just think, a topper in the winter, large windows for sticking your head out, and our old beds in the back; in the summer the wind rushes through your ears - how could we resist its allure?!

Traveling Kennel in Millcreek Canyon

You can imagine our surprise, then, when an insidious Shiba Inu suggested an alternative explanation. That bitch insinuated our impartial public servants - the ones who currently manage the Federal Government's 61% stake in General Motors and stake in Chrysler - may not have intended to follow through on their promise to avoid meddling in the auto industry. She claims that the Obama Administration - feeling the pressure of public opinion against their auto bailouts - is attempting to hurt Toyota in an effort to boost the value of their investments in GM and Chrysler.

Come to think of it, it is suspicious that Department of Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood told Toyota owners to "stop driving it. Take it to a Toyota dealer because they believe they have a fix for it." Especially considering that he later recanted once the statement made headlines in every major news outlet in the country. In fact, while the DOT told owners that their Toyota vehicles were safe to drive, they prevented Toyota from selling any of the models due to "safety concerns." If they were more concerned about safety than publicity, shouldn't they have prevented already sold models from leaving home as well?

The press has not abated, either. Yesterday's biggest news story was the publication of an internal Toyota memo touting cost savings from negotiating a smaller-than-expected recall in 2007. While the memo was given to the government in 2009, it's interesting that it was not released until right before Toyota's CEO is to scheduled to be flogged by Congress.

Hmmm... perhaps the savage Japanese Shiba could be right. While we'd love to sink our teeth into Toyota CEO Akio Toyoda's soft fleshy belly, it seems obvious that the current administration's response to the questionable decisions made at Toyota was completely self serving. In fact, after reconsidering, it seems like the real situation can best be summed up in the following graph:

So please, humans, if you have a dog - whether bitch or stud - do not let the most recent recall dissuade you from outfitting them with a brand new traveling kennel. Because the only thing worse than questionable corporate judgment is a powerful and bitchy government official!


Anonymous said...

Department of Irony:

The public flogging of Toyota allowed me to get a great deal on a new FJ. The dealerships were nearly shut down and therefore were willing to discount the price to make a sale.

Years ago, misplaced nationalism compelled me to try Ford and GM vehicles. They were both poorly engineered and manufactured. Unlike a dog who can be mistreated and love you dearly five minutes later, I will never again buy a domestic auto.

The government will not convince me that Toyota cars are of questionable quality - I know better. But I will take advantage of Uncle Sam "talking their book" to get a great deal. In an odd twist the pummelling of Toyota has saved me money. Imagine that - the feds saved me money.

Doreen said...

The Bitches beat Businessweek to the news that the Toyota hearing are a witch hunt