Friday, March 12, 2010

Exercise -- running on the treadmill

While technically domesticated, every bitch has a wild streak. We love being outside - even just in the yard. Chasing cats, swimming after ducks, running wildly down a mountainside with a long stick in our mouth, or jumping on unsuspecting neighborhood children when they wander too close to our perimeter (must protect our weak human parents!) make us drool with anticipatory joy.

During the long, cold winter - though - we don't get to do anything fun. This is largely due to the fact that cats (yes, cats) designed the land use policy for our local national forest. So, while our parents go skiing, we sit in the basement and drag our butts across the floor waiting for them to return - even Oprah is beginning to feel stale. Although our writing is bold and powerful, we have - until today - been terrified of the human torture devices in the basement.

As the winter drags on our parent use their "treadmill", "trainer" (i.e. fancy bike stand/home decoration), and "weights" less frequently and with increasing despondence. After a pack of wild yet tiny dogs started terrorizing our nightly walk, we needed an outlet for our excess energy so we put on our running booties and limbered up.

**As a side note, we would love to neuter these tiny but ferocious stud dogs with our sharp angry teeth but our parents - with the help of the insipid Milan guidebook - will not allow us to protect them from these dangerous animals.
***As another side note, we have nothing against tiny dogs - one of our favorite bitch commenters happens to be a maltese - we just hate these tiny dogs. During our last walk, the black one tried to bite us both. If it wasn't for dog whispering we would have batted it around fiercely before administering some harsh canine justice.

It was with great trepidation that we used the treadmill, trainer, and weights.

Why do humans do this to themselves?! You get all the obnoxiousness of exercise (panting, soreness, exhaustion) without any of the fun - although we suspect that Nancy Pelosi's superhuman jumping strength was built using these kinds of machines. To all our human readers - go outside AND TAKE YOUR DOGS WITH YOU! Neither human nor bitch should suffer the torture of treadmills any longer. We look forward to blogging about this spring's adventures and hope every dog finds a carcass, large stick, or fetid body of water to wash away winter's gloom.

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